to fuck or to die

To her he seemed withdrawn. Coffee slowly brewing on the stove. Child crawling and weaving between their legs. He wanted to ask if the father was still around. The child chortled. Penelope fetched some bread warming in the oven. Will you ever be able to use your arm again Alexander. She looked down into the street. Gurgling water being pushed through ground coffee into espresso pot. Alexander you have been here for three days and never washed. She poured the coffee into tow small cups sitting on a smell wooden tray. She turned to him. Would you like honey or preserve with your bread? I’m afraid I have run out of butter. He looked across at her, I really don’t mind. Whatever you are having. She smiled, honey of course, don”t you remember how much I like it. He gazed at her. Of course I remember. I remember a picnic. We sat on the beach. Boiled eggs and honey sandwiches. Then we strolled.

did we enter the woods to fuck or to die, perhaps both

…la petite mort…and do you remember finding the little bird skeleton

and you whispered through hands

that your cat only killed when hungry

oh we still have appetites to sate

Would you like a bath after breakfast? There’s a razor and soap in the medicine cabinet. His. The child’s father’s. Alexander looked at the child. She had a father. Penelope felt uncomfortable. She remembered the picnic.  The stroll along the beach that lead to a walk in the woods. The pause that erupted into their love making. Alexander unable to use his right arm lifted the coffee cup to his mouth with the left. He was whole when they fucked that day. Not immobilised by an accident on a fishing boat. Penelope remembered how she would sit by the bath on an old blue chair that he had constructed out of palettes and found driftwood. Jazz playing on the radio. How he liked to take his coffee cup with him when bathing. His nakedness different to when they were in bed or fucking outside. Could you help me wash? I haven’t gotten used to…no, no, sorry I have embarrassed you. What we were, our intimacy, circumstances change. I realise it would make you feel uncomfortable. Penelope smiled, You came to me for help in whatever form that might take.